The Moment I Realized I Could Try But I Couldn't Change an Already Made-Up Mind
Is it fair to influence someone else's decision just because?
Values vs goals and the choices we make
When I was a child, my father was away a lot. I recall I used to cry and ask him to come back but those days he was so busy building his career that everything else was secondary. It is never a bad thing to pursue one’s dreams and goals, however, what I have observed in my life is that a single-minded pursuit can leave other important things by the wayside.
My family broke up when I was young. My mom moved out with my sibling and a hefty alimony while I moved to the US. By the time my father retired, he had conquered everything he had set out to careerwise but returned to an empty house.
My father and I share a close relationship — he has been both mother and father to me over the years. Once, I asked him whether money was more important than familial relationships. He responded that familial relationships were all well and good, however, life could be difficult if you don’t have money. Moreso if you became sick and didn’t have the wherewithal to pay the bills. Then you might end up becoming a burden to said family members.
I was genuinely sad that he felt that way.
It is true that my family has enjoyed a comfortable if not privileged lifestyle thanks to my father being a successful doctor. But the question is, at what cost? My father is essentially alone, I have only recently started to rebuild my relationship with my mother after 16 years and I haven’t seen my sibling in as many years.
Did I mention they live in adjacent houses separated by an 8-foot wall and equally high wrought iron gates?
But I digress.
The fact of the matter is that I realized my father had made up his life priorities and would not change them even though I tried to convince him otherwise.
So, I let him be.
Back then, I didn't realize I would end up using the same approach in my romantic relationships.