The Hardest Part of Our Relationship Isn't About Us
The Hardest Part of Our Relationship Isn't About Us
3 external challenges we face
Separation realities
In my homeland, it’s common for at least one family member to either work or study abroad. Some say that young people can’t wait to graduate high school, get their student visas, and leave. Perhaps it is because they believe there are fewer opportunities at home.
The mass exodus is nothing new. Initially, men from my homeland left during the Gulf boom to form the massive base of skilled and unskilled labor that constructed the modern Middle East. While a fortunate few could afford annual trips back to see their families, many spent years working under the scorching sun before they could afford to visit home.
Parents, wives, and children grew accustomed to living apart from their loved ones. I believe this separation gradually became embedded in our psyche. What made it bearable was the hope that one day we would have a better life together as a family.
Of course, it came with its own set of unique challenges. For instance, at one point, my mom single-handedly managed everything in our household, including the finances, the farm, grandparents, and raising two kids. This was in the era of snail mail just before emails became common. Even phone calls were sporadic due to high costs and unreliable connections.
Perhaps it is because my mom never complained and carried out her duties stoically, I never realized how difficult it must have been for her. While my father was thousands of miles away making money to support the family she must have felt very lonely worrying about one problem or another without her husband to lean on.
I don’t know if that was the reason they eventually separated. The realization that she could manage on her own, or the gap between them became too wide to surmount, or maybe she evolved into a different person during their time apart.
Now, many years later, I am in a long-distance relationship. The basic circumstances are the same. I was part of the Brain Drain from my homeland, a fancy name coined for the continuous migration of professionals seeking better opportunities abroad.
Love misjudged
Following a long-term marriage and another significant relationship, I can attest that physical proximity does not guarantee a healthy or successful relationship. Conversely, it can sometimes lead to complacency, where aspects like romance might take a lower priority.
I have always wondered why a guy would go to great lengths to pursue a woman until he knows he has won her over. This happened to me, and it felt like my ex-boyfriend’s mission was accomplished once he realized he had achieved his goal. Despite my repeated attempts to talk to him, nothing changed except for empty promises.
The person I am with now started as an online friendship sparked by a sweet DM over a year ago. I must admit I was initially quite brief in my responses hoping it would be a deterrent. Ever the gentleman, he respected my space until we reconnected sometime later.
I didn’t meet him in person until 3 months after we started talking, again a decision he respected. Sometimes I wonder what made him wait all that time without displaying the slightest hint of impatience or annoyance at the pace I had set for getting to know each other
As a result, we had already formed an emotional bond even before meeting face to face. The meeting strengthened this bond, naturally progressing to a commitment that has remained strong despite distance and encountering several roadblocks.