Sometimes Clinging to Things Can Hold You Back From Moving On
My mental peace has increased tenfold by letting go of my emotional attachment to stuff
Today my Sri Lankan friend treated me to Lamprais, a delicious concoction of savory rice and curry cooked in a banana leaf, for lunch. We were celebrating her living room makeover that she had done entirely from scratch.
It was definitely one that elicited the “Oohs” and “Ahhs.”
She had picked a painting as a focal point for the room and added furniture and paint colors that vibed perfectly with it. She enthused about how she had to custom order some pieces because the store did not carry what she had envisioned and nothing else would do because the placement had to be just as she imagined it in her mind.
When we clicked our glasses of nonalcoholic beverages in celebration, I couldn’t help musing about the fact that though we were friends, our tastes and perspectives on interior decor were completely different.
And that is okay too.
My living room is very plain compared to hers. Several big windows let in natural light but that may very well be the only highlight of the room. Other than a cozy sofa, coffee table, and TV, would it surprise you if I said that there is not a single framed picture or knick-knack that commemorates special occasions?
This is exactly the way I like it and it is not because I embrace a minimalist lifestyle or cannot afford to spruce up the space if I choose to.
It is just that I don’t want to.
You see, I have always been in a state of transition from childhood. My parents moved frequently wherever their jobs as medical professionals took them. By the time I was a young adult, I had already lived in different countries across three continents.
I can’t explain it but each time we had to leave a house, neighborhood, familiar faces, and cultures, it took a piece out of me. I slowly learned that there was less pain when you didn’t get attached to material things.
Because you didn’t know when you had to say goodbye again. And it was not as if I, as a child, had a choice.
Sometimes I feel this perpetual state of flux has somehow seeped into my relationships too.
The reason why my living room is mostly bare is that in the back of my mind, I am already planning my exit and when it happens, I don’t want to be bogged down by all the stuff that needs to be moved for the umpteenth time. I don’t want to carry any of it with me except for the bare essentials.
Some may think this is extreme but I don’t feel that way. When you have experienced the highs and lows in life and discovered that your happiness is not tied to material goods or growing roots in the social pecking order, it is liberating indeed.
When I walk in from an overwhelming day, the soft shade of beige on the walls, the white curtains, the familiar stack of books on the coffee table, and the soothing fragrance of eucalyptus and lavender have an immediate calming effect on my mind.
I know I can carry this feeling and recreate it wherever I want.
Sadly, I have come to view my relationships the same way. I am not proud when I say I am not good at keeping in touch with people once I move away. Saying out of touch is out of mind may be a bit harsh but lately, that is what I see myself doing.
Even when I am in a romantic relationship, I am wary of forming a permanent attachment because I know walking away would never be as easy as leaving a brick-and-mortar house.
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One of the best experiences of my life was giving a large portion of mr crazy filled closet to all my friends who showed up for my closet closing. Then giving away my mid century modern furniture and art to my daughter. Amazingly uplifting. Not sure I’ve come down yet. I love to visit to see my things in their context. To visit a friend unexpectantly see them wearing one of my old pieces is grand. It’s a good way to live Yana! Bravo
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I embrace minimalism as well. I find that it significantly simplifies life.