Third wheel
I tend to attract men younger than me.
No, it is not on account of leather skirts or a feline—like body or opportunity. I’d like to think it is something subtle and less tangible. Synchronicity, perhaps.
Or maybe, I have reached a point where I value authenticity and sincerity over flashy displays.. As a mature woman of independent means, I find genuine substance more impressive than peacock strutting.
In that sense, age does not matter. Well, until it does.
Like when I dreamt my now ex-boyfriend cheated on me.
Where did that come from?
My insecurities?
Past experience?
A portent of things to come?
Abandonment issues?
None of the above or something else entirely?
In my culture, they say early morning dreams do come true. I am starting to think, maybe true, because our relationship did not last but not on account of him cheating on me.
My ex-boyfriend is the gentleness, sweetest guy you could come across. I can vouch that if you were sick, his bedside manner would have been a sufficient cure for half of whatever was ailing you.
Those qualities are what attracted me to him, most definitely, but over time, I realized there was a third wheel in our relationship — his work.
My mom, who is a workaholic doctor’s wife, once told me that a doctor’s duty is to his patients and never grudge them the time they devote to healing the sick.
First of all, I am not my mother. Second of all, I am not married, and thirdly, while I don’t expect my partner to be tied to me all the time, I do have some expectations like him spending quality time with me, be it talking on the phone, checking in with each other and going out from time to time.
He did all of that during the chasing phase. That was 6 months in the making. Once the chase was over, things began to slide. I get it, he assumed the major work was done and now he was free to dive back into work full-time.
In my defense, I don’t get into a relationship just to get out of it at the slightest pretext.
So I hung in there. Tried to be a patient and understanding girlfriend while he juggled work and a start-up. Knowing that he often pulled all-nighters, I would regularly prepare a care package for him over the weekends, filled with his favorite snacks, protein bars, and hot chocolate mix.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say he took it for granted but I have a feeling he thought I’d indefinitely be the committed and supportive girlfriend.
Perhaps that would have been the case had he met me halfway.
Dream analysis
Dreaming about him cheating on me was distressing, to say the least. I have this bad habit of overthinking and even though I tried to distract myself, the elephant in the room only seemed to grow bigger by the minute. So, I called the man and he answered after a few rings, voice heavy with sleep from yet another night of working late.
“Wait what — you are calling me to ask if I’m cheating on you? Where did that come from?”
He was bewildered not to mention a bit annoyed.
“I would never do that to you, babe. I love you and only you.”
And the thing is I trusted him completely for despite his workaholism, he never once gave me the impression of having a roving eye.
Yet, here I was still in turmoil despite his reassurances.
So, I plugged it into the Google search bar — What does it mean if you dream your partner is cheating on you?
And bam! The answer was right there clear as day making me wonder why I hadn’t thought about it before!
This is Stephanie Gailing, dream analyst and author of The Complete Book of Dreams interpretation: “Dreams can reflect things that we may be experiencing in waking life but we don’t acknowledge, whether those are hidden thoughts or feelings…Sometimes being cheated on in a dream is symbolic of a partner not giving you enough time or attention, and the dream is the manifestation of that.”
Another thing I hadn’t mentioned about my dream was that the person I saw my boyfriend with was a close friend. Never mind they had never met and she was thousands of miles away in a foreign university doing her PhD.
According to professional dream analyst Lauri Loewenber this may mean an issue other than infidelity: “People often dream their best friend is the one their partner cheated with. In this case, she says, the dream can indicate that your relationship is starting to feel more like a friendship than a romance and is lacking a bit of spark.”
What I realized was that our relationship, though once close, was dangerously veering into the Friends with Benefits realm, something I was not happy about. Yes, we had many conversations about it but to no avail — I came #11 on his list of priorities or maybe even that would be stretching it.
Towards the end, I realized this was not working for me no matter how many things we shared in common. Detaching myself from the emotions I’d formed in the early stages of the relationship did not prove to be difficult because there were no (romantic) feelings left.
It helped me make a clean break. I hold no anger, resentment, or animosity towards my ex-boyfriend, but instead. genuinely wish him the best in all his endeavors. Our relationship was like one of those comets streaking across the night sky, brilliantly illuminating the darkness for a brief but meaningful period before slowly dimming and dissipating.
Nevertheless, I managed to capture and lovingly preserve the essence of our shared moments in a keepsake box marked ‘Winnepausaukee Memories.’
🎈If you enjoyed this post, come say hi on Medium where I write love and relationship-based stories.
It is wonderful to meet and be friendly with some people but we do not get what we actually desire. One has to make a choice. Take it or leave it. If the priority is not being met then there is no option but to leave. in peace as friends.
I had to go through a similar situation due to my work. Fortunately, I could be able to figure it out before it was too late.